I am sitting in the lab, staring hopelessly at my IS project proposal that I am supposed to finish tonight. I hear a tap on my back, and I find her smiling over at me. I cannot remember her name, but her face is very fresh. We’ve talked severally on not-so-important issues. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you for some time.” She says. “I have just been around.” I reply briefly trying very hard to stifle the words that want to pop out of my mouth. I feel like shouting at her, “I have just been around but trying to keep my head buried in the sand.” But would she really care? We are mere acquaintances, not even friends. I glue my lips together.
I compliment how her Salsa hairstyle looks neat on her, #thingsthatrealwomendo. She tells me she is leaving school to go to the hostel, and adds that she is tired. Selfish me, I don’t really care to know the cause of the fatigue, I think I have enough problems of my own to handle. I wish her a good evening and refocus my eyes on the uninspiring project crying desperately to be done over with. She hesitates in her steps and comes back to me. She whispers in Kiswahili, “Nikuulize, kuna venye msee anaweza track mtu?” Well, I didn’t see this coming and I am quite taken aback, but I never hold back any information that doesn’t cost me anything to share.
I am not the gossip kind, but I lean back in my chair and give her a lending ear. So, I curiously ask whether she wants to track someone’s location, or his phone calls and messages. She tells me she wants to know everything about them. I already have an answer of who it is forming in my head, but I take time prodding. So I open up the browser and show her a few tracking apps.
It is at this point that I ask her, “Do you want to track your boyfriend?” to which she responds in the affirmative. “Hopeless girl,” I say to myself. I then go ahead and tell her that the only sure way I know about knowing the whereabouts of her better half is using the GPS phone tracker. I however give her a disclaimer, “you must be the one to download the tracker oh his phone. It has to be set up in both phones for you to know his every move.” With this she loses all hope and asks me, “How on earth am I going to do that on his phone without him knowing?” “Easy”, I tell her,”just make sure you have it on your phone, and then share it discreetly through flashshare as you pretend to view photos on his phone. Then go to settings and hide the app. He will never know that you are behind him every second.” I tell her. She seems convinced. About the phone calls and messages I tell her, “Talk to Safaricom, they can easily provide this information to you if you build a convincing case.” Honestly, I can’t believe I am the one giving this type of advice, advice that I don’t even believe myself would work because I have never tried it myself, but I read almost everything I come across, and that’s why I feel so professional talking about it.
She then tells me the story. She recently found his diary and read it, which is not uncommon in relationships. The contents threw her heart off-balance, and upon enquiry a wall of lies was built around the truth by her so-called boyfriend. Her mind has not been at rest since then and she goes on her days with dread and hurt throbbing inside of her. She feels betrayed. “I know how and what you feel.” And I don’t say it as a way of consolation, I mean those words as my mind takes flashback trips. To cut the long story short, I realize I was giving the right advice to the wrong situation, or is it the other way round? Whichever it is, I now give her new pointers. I change and start recommending honest talk between the two of them.
If your boyfriend knows you have been spying on him things will go from bad to worse. He will think you don’t trust him, which is true in this case, but don’t show it too openly. Be cautious, things might not be as you think.
Show him the advantages of him being faithful, not only to the two of you, but to himself also. Make him see how much peace of mind of mind he will have by knowing that he doesn’t have to look over his shoulder just to be sure. Not at even one point should you make is seem like it’s all about you, though you deeply hurt.
Be non-judgmental, don’t make him feel like he is being crucified on a cross of some sorts. Be nice to him. Don’t throw tantrums and promise him not to hold it against him. Just insist on knowing the truth.
I belt on and on how she deserves to know the truth about what is happening. “The things you will find out by secretly spying on him will hurt you more deeply than the truth from his own mouth.” So our conversation ends that way, with a promise from her on an update of events. I stare back at the screen, fly back into my student body and instantly I forget that I was ever a relationship counsellor. Please don’t ask me how to track her or him, I am not sure.
This post first appeared on http://blog.storymojafestival.com/how-to-track-your-cheating-partner/