Age 3. Trust and mistrust kept you in a dilemma. You barely cried at the hands of your mother and spent most of your time suckling her breast, if at all you were awake. At the hands of strangers, you found no peace and made them to deem you cruel.
At age 6, you were autonomous and shameful. You learned to be self-aware, by exploring the world around you and even thought the world ends where the sky meets the earth, in your own eyes. It was your zeal to know the world. You took time to learn more vocabulary although you were poor in wording. Above all you felt shame when corrected for being wrong.
At age 10, you learned to be industrious and inferior. You molded gun from clay, build sport cars from wires, built air-crafts from papers and became sporty. To the contrary, you were quiet but full of hope and despair as you battled your own struggles and enemies from within. If only your devils could speak,,, your angels would go hungry.
[Tweet theme=”basic-white”]If only your devils could speak,,, your angels would go hungry.[/Tweet]
At age 16, you practiced role control and self-identity. You really thought you were a few steps to become a grown up and earn freedom. Free from the colonization of your parents and teachers, free from ‘home curfews’, just free to do whatever you want. You wanted to be anything and everything that seemed to be great in your own understanding. A great musician, a great soldier, a great billionaire. Your ‘great’ imaginations never failed you here. On the other side, you were filled with desires that came from a greater world. You aspired to be great and were inspired by the work of men to pursue this world and live it as if you’re very own. You desired more to achieve your great dreams.
At age 22, you battled intimacy and isolation. Life had taught you a few things after experiencing two decades on earth. You were disappointed with a few things here and there but still felt the urge to hold on. You had hope. You learned that hope is like forgiveness with teeth. But at the same time you learned that hope is the thing with feathers that builds a nest in the soul.
A few heart breaks from perfect strangers had now taught you such first principles: to think with the mind and feel from the heart. And random conversations with strangers taught you to be the best and to choose only the best because you were the best. You learned a lot about yourself here, not to forget the big, inflated ego you nurtured,and held onto like a ticket to heaven. You had tried breaking it but it was now part of you. And only death did you part.
You were young, depressed and frustrated. You were either truthful to yourself and everyone or truthful to only yourself. There’s some truth about life that kicked in here even though life felt like the biggest lie ever told. You started racing against time to achieve and pursue ambitions. You became desperate to settle and still toiled hard to overcome obstacles. For years, you learned how to exclaim “DAMN! “like your life depended on it until…
You hit 40 and life began. You had settled and you battled integrity and despair. What was settling anyway if you still battled with this? You tried to live life good, be cheerful and impact the life of others. You partook your life as a gift. To yourself and to others. You were a flower. You were love.
And then one night, balls of fire engulfed you. Tongues of hungry and orange flames licked you up. One night you were taken up in a chariot of fire, like a second Elijah. The horizon that you so much believed in, swallowed you into its mystery.
One dark, cold and broken night, you left us. With no goodbyes and no hellos. You majestically went on your way like you had no obligation to explain why to anyone.
You left a dull ache where love used to bubble from. Tonnes of unexplained mistakes. Bundles of unfulfilled promises and overdue debts. So much that you had forgotten who owes you and whom you owed, that is if you even knew the difference.
So many sticky smoochy kisses and hugs that you had postponed.
[Tweet theme=”basic-white”]So many sticky smoochy kisses and hugs that you had postponed. [/Tweet]
And all the things that you were giving time, well their time never came. And the tears flowed and we reminisced how you were the best. We always say these things anyway. We cried because your eulogy was going to be standard and predictable.
It is still here with me, the moment you left us.